Yet he could not help but smile, just a little bit, when he walked over to the corner where she was sitting, and found her reading. She'd done far too little of that in her life. It still horrified him to think she hadn't even known how to read or write during her first century. Her tribe hadn't even had a written script, passing their history and culture down entirely orally. As late as when they'd started on this strange adventure of theirs, she hadn't exactly been the strongest reader, although she'd been fairly good at writing, if only so she and her brothers could keep in touch, she'd said. He was pleased to say he'd helped her get better, and develop a newfound appreciation for books while she was at it.
Her preferred readings weren't his, of course. Most of his books on the Weave she likely never would really be able to understand. But she was enjoying reading and learning more than she'd known about historical events, and some of the people they'd met, or she'd met, and she also showed a marked interest in reading about Waterdeep. Gale wished he had his collection on hand.
He recognized the book she was reading. They'd found the a copy of The Annals of Baldur's Gate in the old Selunite temple, and he believed it had mostly been Lae'zel reading it, especially once they'd been certain they were going to the city. "Keeping it warm for her?" he tried to offer.
"Trying to get my own history straightened out." Her voice was grim. "This is probably a simplified version, maybe even one that's too nice to certain powerful people. But hopefully it's closer to the truth than all the conflicting wild tales of exactly what happened I heard at the time."
It was easy enough to guess exactly what she was talking about. "The Iron Crisis?"
There had been a malice in that fight with Sarevok Anchev Gale hadn't quite seen before, and on both sides. Sara, of course, had often been at the forefront of their fights, taking the blows she could handle better than most of them. But it had still terrified him how exclusively that powerful being had focused his attacks entirely on her, seemingly unable to forgive the lie she'd tried to tell on behalf of all of them, really. And she herself had actually looked relieved when the lie hadn't taken. And there had been a new edge to her rage, a new viciousness in her swings, and a fear he'd never quite seen before either in her eyes.
There had also been the way she'd picked his sword up, afterwards, a weapon too powerful for them to not claim, but Sara clearly hadn't wanted to touch it. When Karlach had said she'd take it, she'd looked very grateful. Sarevok Anchev had probably been a boogeyman in the tales her parents had told her, but no more than that.
"I was 145 when he tried to seize power." Sara spoke with a detachment that was shocking coming from her, as if the emotions attached to the memory were too much even for her. "Adelie and I had just settled into our new home with a pair of dogs who were almost as big as she was. Do you, up until now, I was never entirely sure it was true he got so dramatically exposed actually at the coronation, but this book says it is, so I suppose it probably is.
But when that story reached us, it was in the form of Shanda showing up, screaming that he was about to release a whole army of winged demons on the entire city. And then another one of the neighbors said no, they were going to come up from the sewers. Or he was going to rise some underground temple up from below the ground-well, we know that temple exists now, don't we?-and choke us all with shadows...everyone was saying something different. But all of it was bad, and when we'd already been living in fear with everything that had happened already.
I can still remembering Adelie huddling in the corner with the dogs, crying with terror. I remember Granite anxiously nuzzling her, and Lime started to howl. Shanda was pacing back and forth, taking hold of her daggers and then putting them back down. And I remember sitting there, sharpening my axe-and it had been years, by then, since I'd used it on anything other than game and lumber. I remember wondering if Adelie and the dogs would run if we told them to. Granite probably wouldn't have. If it would do a damn thing to help even if they did. Shanda also gave us the news that Kathryne and her husband, with the baby only five months old, were actually trying to flee the city. We didn't know if they were alive or dead until nearly two days after it was over."
The rage had slowly crept into her voice as she'd spoken, and she pulled away from the book, going over to the nearest window. Gale could see she was shaking. He joined her there, as together they watched a human and a halfling play lanceboard outside. "I was one of them, that time," she said. "I'm so angry at the people that are supporting Gortash, who are turning a blind eye even to what is happening outright on the street-and now he and his precious Steel Watch failed to even protect those people in the park. But Adelie and I, and our friends, we were fooled right along with everyone else."
She was no doubt still feeling all four of those deaths in the park they'd failed to prevent. Of course, she wanted to rescue Lae'zel above everything, and she was probably telling the truth about her fear that Orin would lose her patience and kill her if they didn't go now. But seeing her fellow Baldurians cut down like that by Bhaal's cultists had no doubt settled that choice for her completely.
"Although those of them my age, you'd think they'd know better this time. When I stood in front of Enver Gortash, I saw the last supposed strongman who'd done what he's doing. Do not enough people remember?"
"Maybe they'd rather forgot," said Gale. "I know it must have been hard today, being forced to confront those memories."
"Do you?" Sara asked, and she sounded a little skeptical.
Gale couldn't help but be a little angry at that. "Yes," he said sharply, "I do. It's only been two days since I had that exact feeling myself, when I stood in front of Mystra."
"Oh, yes, oh, no, I'm sorry," Sara stammered, and his anger instantly vanished. "I didn't realize...should I have not insisted you..."
"No, it's not..." Gale tried to reassure her. "When a goddess wants a word with you, I don't think you can really avoid her. And it's for the better I did see her. Everything's felt much more clear in my head since."
"I'm glad for that, then," said Sara, as she accepted his arm around her and tilted her head down to lie against his. "I'm afraid that's another thing you know well which I'll never fully comprehend. I don't ever want to be close to any god like that."
That was the thing about her that Gale was only starting to comprehend, that she actually wanted to be only a mortal, and she only wanted him because he was mortal, too. He might have feared she wanted him because he was weak, but he was also starting to understand that what he had be taught to view as his weaknesses, she did not see as weaknesses at all. If he could see himself the way she saw him, Gale supposed, he'd be a much happier man.
The Annals of Karsus still sat among his things. There was a part of him its siren's song still called to, that might always still want the power and the greatness that only godhood could bring him. But he had so much before him that was worth having in its stead, if he could live to have it. Sara and her love, of course, but not even just that. He found as the days went on, he wanted there to be days spent in the company of his mother once again, as well. Seeing Tara again had reinforced how badly he'd missed her, too. Even just being in his tower again, standing on the terrace and watching the sunset once more, a pleasure probably only a mortal could enjoy properly, was something to deeply look forward to.
Though he did find himself saying, "It's all right. I suppose there are a few things you understand that I probably won't ever, either."
Back when their relationship had begun, Gale hadn't thought much about her being two and a half centuries older than him, or, for that matter, that she might outlive him by an equal amount of time. After all, his previous lover had been an immortal goddess. But another thing he was coming to understand was the great difference between a god who merely existed through the centuries, and a mortal who lived them.
She'd lived in both the wilds and the city, embraced two very different styles of life. She'd fought against enemies, and, during the most painful era of her youth, also against former friends. She'd spent years wandering strange lands with nowhere to called home. She'd had friends and family and lovers, so many of them, loved them all, lost more of them than not. He was aware that everyone else in the story she'd just told him was now dead, almost all of them of old age; Shanda had apparently died the previous year, and he got the impression she'd been pretty lonely between that and the nautiloid ship.
He wondered how she stood it, with her passionate, all too loving heart. He was starting to look at Elminster very differently; a lot of things about him now made a lot more sense. And yet, after she'd buried a wife she'd been with for over a century, so she knew how much this would hurt her, he wasn't even worried she wouldn't be willing to do it all again, with him.
He'd never even been in love before her. That was another thing he knew only now. Oh, he'd loved Mystra, and very much so, enough that his feelings about her were still complicated, and probably always would be. But he now saw that her eyes were cold, and so were her words to him, and while he supposed she might still have a heart, it wasn't one she would have ever shown to her mortal playthings. She'd given him nothing to be in love with.
Gale had thought himself so sophisticated, so knowing of everything there was to know, when he'd committed his folly. That belief hadn't even really changed during the year afterwards. But now events had forced him out into the world, experiencing parts of it so many wizards hid from in their towers, and learned just how little he'd known about it, or about life.
"You know," he said, as stood there, giving him time to think about it further, "I'm starting to the books don't tell enough. We could probably find an account that told us exactly what happened at that coronation and exactly how the resulting battle went, and in much more detail than the popular Annals would bother with. But the bards don't usually remember the tales of the ordinary citizens like that. Maybe you should write yours down. I could even help you with it."
"I think...I'd be glad to do that," Sara said. "Or maybe you should help all of us with that. We've all of us got so much to tell, if we live to."
She looked back at the others, and he looked with her. Karlach was already asleep, Wyll sitting beside her on their couch and occasionally looking at Sarevok's sword, lain beside the one he was currently wielding. He, too, might have merely grown up hearing about the man, but Gale suspected he wouldn't ever want to touch it either. Jaheira was also sitting on her couch, but he was pretty sure she was tranced. Near her, Minsc was talking quietly to his pet; Gale could only imagine how overwhelming these past two days had been for him. There was another reading lesson going on, with Shadowheart trying to teach Yenna. Halsin had actually taken cat form, and was running around with Grub, Scratch looking at them confusedly. Mizora, thankfully, wasn't bothering anyone at the moment.
Astarion was looking over at them, with that damned smirk. Gale tried to give him a meaningful look. At least he'd be aware, now, that he was going to have to wait a bit; it was only polite that they let him know that.
"Let's hope we have time for that, then," he said, and pressed the first kiss to her ear, the second to the side of her face. She turned to meet his mouth with hers, and the kiss quickly turned deep and hard, her grip tight on his arm. Just from that, he could tell she was going to be needy that night. Which suited him just fine, especially since nights when he knew Astarion was coming had started turning him possessive.
"And now," he whispered to the space between their lips, "let us leave all that off until the morning," and she eagerly nodded, letting him take her hand to lead her to the other room.