Fifteen Flares Inside Those Ocean Eyes

By Izzy

Caleb had called her his equal when they’d first talked about fighting against her. “Or we were when we were seventeen,” he then said. “Now, I suppose she’s probably more powerful.”

Powerful she was. And devious, and that was how before they could even attack she got them all paralyzed except Caleb, and with the poison currently running through most of their systems, it was going to be hard for them to break out. Jester struggled to do it even as Astrid grabbed her and pulled her in front of her, and she felt another spell seize her. “Hurt me, you’ll hurt both of us,” she yelled as Caleb raised his arm, which was enough to freeze him.

“It’s not too late, Bren,” she said. “If you really want to kill Ikithon, you can do it with my help.”

“So you can take his place, you mean, since thanks to our work you’re now in position to do that,” said Caleb. “Would you do things differently from how he would? Would you spare the lives of my friends, keep us all safe?” Jester couldn’t even tell if he was genuinely asking, if he might say yes to save them all.

At least until she answered, “I could make some changes, and I could keep some of your friends out of trouble-the Expositor, the halfling and her family, maybe the firbolg if he just quietly goes home…but if we took this route, we’d probably have to sacrifice Thelyss. Maybe Lavorre, too. She’s got the wrong people angry at her.”

“Not acceptable,” Caleb hissed. “No bargain.”

“Are you really going to be like this, Bren?” She actually sounded sad and regretful. “I’ve never wanted to kill you. I don’t want to now.”

“Just as you didn’t want to kill your parents?” Caleb sounded sad too, but also angry. Then a split second later Jester saw he was regretting his words.

Especially when Astrid angrily snapped back, “You were as willing as any of us until you heard them scream. Maybe if you’d done it quickly like Eodwulf and I did you would never have gone mad. And now I suppose you refuse to sacrifice even this tiefling here. Is she even good for anything besides mischief?”

Her words hurt, of course, but Jester didn’t feel nearly the kind of fury that laced Caleb’s voice as he replied, “She is a better person than either of us ever were. If you think you know all there is to know about her just because you’ve listened to the Martinet complain about her, you’re a fool in a way I never even thought you were. And she’s good for more than mischief, or even thwarting men like him who can’t manipulate her. Her kindness, her joy, the powers she’s used for good as often as for mischief…”

Even under the circumstances, the words made Jester glow. But, as she would later suppose she might have already, she failed to understand him-until Astrid exclaimed, half in shock, “You’re in love with her! How long has this been going on? When you came to see me that night, had you already replaced me? Was she waiting for you?”

After all she’d done, she still had the presumption to be jealous. To be sad and angry. To have reasons to not do any of this. And yet here she was, doing it anyway. How could she?

Sudden, overwhelming rage at this woman filled Jester, from her toes and the tip of her tail up to her horns and hair. She felt as if every bit of her being was on fire, an infernal force pounding on her paralyzed shell, ignited further by every bit of misery that radiated from Caleb’s face, until she thought she might explode. There wasn’t even room in her to think about anything else, anything she’d just heard.

Caleb’s voice was colder than she’d ever heard it when he said, “I would never presume to put my filthy hands on someone like her. Now get. Yours. Off.”

His next words were a mutter, and then Jester felt herself grow stronger, and despite the poison she was able to break herself free of both spells. Astrid had only time to gasp before she’d reached up and less bopped her on nose than punched her to Inflict Wounds. The spell took, Astrid lost her grip, and Jester pulled away just as Beau too broke out, flung herself over, and hit her with both fists. Her concentration broke, everyone was free, and the battle was on.

And powerful as Astrid was, there was only one of her left, and with Erik with them, they now numbered eight. Still there were moments of terror, and she, now clearly hurt badly and close to the end, had Jester and Caleb backed up against a wall together, when Jester blasted her with the strongest Sacred Flame she had left in her, and when she failed to escape the full blast, Jester knew it would kill her.

She also had every memory of Caleb seemingly frozen up by seeing someone burned to death flashing through her head, and after what she’d heard already, there was a thing or two more she could figure out on her own.

With her free arm, Jester grabbed him and pulled her to her battered breast, forcing him to turn around. “Don’t look,” she said to him. “Don’t let her hurt you even more.”

Caleb burrowed his face into her blouse. She could feel him shaking the entire time.

Astrid didn’t scream. Jester would never be sure, afterwards, if she refused to out of pride, or was trying to do Caleb one last kindness.

***

There hadn’t been much time to think about what they’d just found out about Caleb during the battle, and there wasn’t really time immediately afterwards either. None of them were in good shape by the end of it, and meanwhile they still pretty much had to go to ground. The one advantage they now had was that noone who knew of Erik’s defection was still alive.

Which resulted in the half-orc and Caleb sitting in their dome, somewhere just outside the Lotusden Greenwood, the rest of the Nein around them, as they argued about which of them should try to go kill Ikithon immediately. “We do that before he gets the chance to do anything else,” said Erik, “the rest of the Assembly won’t go after you, at least not right now. Most of them think you’re purely after him, for revenge, a lot of those wouldn’t mind being rid of him, and the Martinet may not like you, but he still sees you as more useful at large. And I’m the one they wouldn't be expecting.”

“Ikithon’s rivals in the Assembly may be glad to see him dead,” Caleb told him, “but they’ll still see to it that whoever does it won’t live to tell the tale. You’ve still got the ability to disappear, start your life over. I can give you my necklace, and maybe they’ll even think you’re dead…”

“What, no,” Beau cut in at this point. “You’re not just going in there to die, either, and we are not having a debate about that!”

“My life isn’t worth losing yours,” Erik insisted. “I did what you did, except you only did it for a year or so, and I’ve done it for nearly five. And look right around, Caleb. You’ve got people who care about you, now. You’ve become a hero. If either of us has anything to live for, it’s you.”

“I will not have you die in my place!” Caleb was yelling now. “I am here at the expense of too many others as it is, now including the woman I loved once….”

“And I’ve got a question or two about that,” Veth interrupted, “but let me just insist you don’t hold yourself responsible for her.”

“You really think it’s a coincidence it was her sent after us?”

“We can’t be sure that was because of your history together,” said Erik. “If she really was plotting against Ikithon, he might have figured sending her after you would at least take out one threat to him.”

“Or he saw me as a perfect test of her loyalty, and would’ve been prepared if I’d tried to accept her offer.”

“And none of that matters,” said Veth, “because either way, it’s all a result of her choices, not yours.”

“Fine,” sighed Caleb, “so I didn’t kill *her.* But since I know Astrid didn’t turn you all deaf when she paralyzed you…”

“That means the entire group needs to hear the whole story of what happened to you,” Beau cut in, and Jester felt an unexpected stab of pain at the realization she’d known. If only Veth had known that would’ve been one thing, but why had other members of the group known, when she hadn’t? “They already know you did the thing, so you might as well add the bit about how that asshole made you do it.”

“Made?” Caleb let out a pained laugh. “He didn’t actually make us do anything. All he did was put memories in our heads to make us think our parents were traitors. We did the rest of our own free will.”

“And you think he’s changed that practice since you were his students?” said Erik. “At least your parents were the last lives you took for his sake, from the sound of it-and also, you didn’t have a baby sister whom you also murdered, did you? I’m still the one that should go.”

“Look,” Caduceus cut in. “It’s late, and we’ve all had a very rough day. And if you think we need to kill Ikithon now, well, we still need an actual plan on how to do it. Either of you just try to charge into Rexxentrum you’ll probably get yourself killed and the rest of us arrested-even if King Dwendal probably wants us to succeed, that would force his hand. Let’s just sleep now while the dome’s here, go back to Rosohna in the morning, talk with Essek about all this, and come up with a proper plan from there. Also, I’d like to know who’s angry enough at Jester she could be in more trouble than the rest of us.”

But to that Erik shrugged. “In the case of your friend Essek I would think it’s simply that he knows too much, but…I don’t really know what grudges any of them might bear against any of you in particular.”

So that was just among the many things that kept Jester awake for more of that night than not. She didn’t know how to react to anything she’d heard that day, didn’t know how to deal with how terrified she was, how overwhelmingly powerful the enemies they’d made seemed. On a day when she’d killed someone; she’d had to do it, and she’d done it plenty, but that always got bad afterwards. It all would have been impossible enough to cope with normally.

And now, she was aware, she probably would’ve gone to talk to Caleb, because she knew he wouldn't get mad at her for not being all cheerful all of the time. Instead, she didn’t know how she was ever supposed to do that again.

Not for the reasons he was probably thinking, even. What he and Erik had both said that evening just confirmed and provided finer details about what was all obvious enough about his past, and as Erik had said, Caleb had become a much better person since. Jester could forgive him; that wasn’t a problem. But she knew him well enough to know he would find it hard to accept her forgiveness.

And his being in love with her was something she didn’t know what to think about at all. When they’d first met she’d been more interested in Fjord, of course, until she’d realized she was in love with the idea of him. By then she’d long thought Caleb was still in love with Astrid. It hadn’t seemed likely he’d ever seriously consider her, which had kept her from seriously considering him either. Now, when she found herself thinking about the new possibility presented to her, Jester couldn’t begin to figure out if she wanted it or not, especially not tonight.

She hadn’t said anything directly to Caleb since the fight. She wouldn’t the next morning either.

***

Essek was actually in even more danger from the Cerberus Assembly than they were, because he was someone who would be much less missed by the world in general if he were killed, and as Erik said, he was more dangerous to them for knowing so much. He was useful as well, and they probably weren't trying to kill him yet, but it had become clear they would sooner or later. That did mean the Nein could trust him again, at least to a point. He’d also protected his home enough that for the moment they were as safe there as they were anywhere.

They got there in time to share breakfast with him, and toss around ideas for how they could at least kill Trent Ikithon, and maybe either kill or at least bring down some of the other Assembly members. The main conclusion they drew was that they were going to have to use some trickery, preferably something that would draw Ikithon somewhere they could maybe even hide the body. Jester was quick to realize she’d probably be playing a pretty big part in this.

The afternoon found her in the bedroom Essek had offered to her, working at imitating the handwriting samples of the Martinet and Oremid Hass, when their host knocked on the door. When he came in, he sat down next to her, and was silent for a moment.

Then he said, “Caleb has just told me everything. I, at least, he did not demand condemnation from. I believe he also spoke to Veth again. I myself have just talked to her, and we are trying to improve the situation. She has now gone back to Caleb to attempt to persuade him not to avoid you. Though I’m not sure…”

“I don’t know how I feel about him,” she said. “Well, except that I do love him, I just don’t know if it’s like that. He’s gone from being one of my friends to being one of my family, and he drives me crazy sometimes, except I think I drive him crazy more often, and sometimes, when I think about how kind he’s been to me, I find it hard to believe. Maybe I should’ve realized why earlier, but I just never thought anything of it. And I knew already he’d done some bad things, and my view of him there hasn’t changed at all, except I want to know why he didn’t tell me when he at least told Beau. Did he really think me too sweet and innocent to take it? And also, he’s hurting, and I’m probably just making it all worse right now…”

She only realized she’d started to cry when it was running down her cheeks, and Essek awkwardly offered her a handkerchief. It kept her from speaking for a minute or so, and then she said, “I know I have to talk to him. But I don’t even know what to say.”

Essek considered for a moment, then said, “Perhaps start by telling him that you don’t hate him.”

“How could he think I would?” Jester demanded, horrified. “No, you know what, if he’s thinking that, I’m going to go over to him right now-do you have any idea where he is?”

“My library, I believe,” he said, and gave her directions.

She stormed into the library to find Veth there with him, the two of them engaged in an intense conversation over the table they sat at, which they stopped too quickly when they saw her. Jester didn’t care. She strode right over, dragged another chair up, narrowly avoided hitting Frumpkin with it, and as she sat down she said, “I don’t hate you, and you don’t get to tell me I should. I guess my main question right now is why you told Beau and not me. Because if you were trying to protect me from the big bad truth, I’m not going to be very happy with you.”

“I…” Caleb seemed to consider it. “I didn’t want how you saw me to change. I was afraid you would hate me, you know. You still should. None of my problems should be yours.”

“Okay, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard out of you yet.” Veth spared Jester the need to yell it by saying it herself. “Haven’t you gotten it through your head, after hearing it multiple times, that everyone in this group cares for you, Caleb? Even when you go and keep things from us.”

“Well,” Caleb said to her, “maybe that’s because I haven’t done good enough a job of it. I can’t help but think this would’ve been easier for everyone if you’d never known that Astrid was more to me than just a classmate.”

Jester wasn’t sure what indignant suppters came out of either her or Veth as their first response to that. Veth got herself together first to say, “I understand why you didn’t tell us when you went to see her after we first met with the King about brokering a peace-that’s what she was talking about, Jester. I don’t like it, but I understand it. But that you didn’t tell us when we were preparing to fight her…”

“I told you already, I learned nothing about her that night you all didn’t know by then.”

“You must have learned she still cared for you, and we didn’t know that.” Jester answered first this time. “Or some of the other details…and don’t tell me I shouldn’t care about that when you could’ve come out of that battle much more traumatized if I hadn’t known to do what I did there.”

“And I am very grateful for that, Jester,” said Caleb. “I meant what I said to her about you. But even if you don’t hate me, even if you forgive me, that doesn’t change that I tortured and killed people for months-people Ikithon said were traitors, though who knows who they really were, and then I murdered my parents. I’m still a bad man.”

Jester looked at Veth. She just shook her head sadly. Obviously she’d heard all this already.

Still she had to protest against this. “It sounds to me more like you were a man-or boy, really-who did really bad things. You’re not someone who does any of that anymore. In fact…” And she knew she had to be very careful with her words about this, because she didn’t want to lead him on, but it could do him so much good to hear this, “you’ve become a man I’m not sure I couldn’t be in love with. I don’t really know how I feel right now; I have to think about that, but it’s very possible, and that should tell you a lot.”

“You actually think you could…? After what you’ve just learned about me, you still think that?!”

Some men might have sounded hopeful asking such a question. Caleb sounded horrified.

Jester found herself groping for a response. This was starting to feel impossible. She was honestly relieved when Veth said, “Well, I think you’ve both heard a few things you need to think about. And yes, you really do need to think about them, Caleb.”

Caleb only sighed, scooped Frumpkin up from the floor, and stood up, saying, “Maybe I do, but I have to go talk with Essek again.”

“He actually might,” Veth murmured to Jester as they watched him leave. “For the record, I think you might have also made him anxious. I think for him, assuming you couldn’t love him back made things easier.”

***

It was the very early hours of the next morning when Jester awoke from a dream where, five seconds after waking, she didn’t recall what had happened during most of it, but she vividly recalled how it had included the weight of Caleb’s body on top of hers, the blazing heat of his skin, his frantic breaths blowing against her face, and his hands hot yet tender on her body.

For some time after that she just watched Sprinkle inspect their newest habitat-he sometimes got up and did that at night-and alternated between dwelling on the Cerberus Assembly and dwelling on Caleb. More on the latter, if only because he was what she could stand to think about, even as she came to one very agonizing realization about him.

Then she heard the footsteps and voices outside, and one of them was his. Instantly she was out of bed running into the hall in pursuit of the voices, which were coming from downstairs. She recognized the other one as Essek as it said, “I don’t want goodbyes from the others, not this time. Either I will come back or I won’t, and I am not so blind as to think all of them would want to be dragged out of bed at this hour for me.”

“What? I would!” Jester came charging down the stairs to the first floor, where Caleb and Essek were standing in the middle of the room, Essek obviously preparing to teleport somewhere.

He looked up, and sighed, “Yes, I suppose you would. Your other friends, maybe not.”

Jester did have to admit that might be true. Still she took Essek’s hands, and said to him, “The blessing of the Traveler be with you. If you’re going off to be sneaky, then he’d probably approve of it.”

“Yes,” he chuckled, “I suppose he might.” Then he stepped back and muttered his incantations, and was gone.

“He is going off to be sneaky,” Caleb told her, “and dangerously so. He just received messages from both Ikithon and Lady Vess DeRogna. Apparently they’re both up at the sanatorium right now, and they both want to talk to him in confidence.”

“I hope he doesn’t get killed,” Jester said anxiously.

“As do I.” They both feel silent, and Jester considered going back to her room.

Then Caleb said, “I told Fjord too, when we were on our way to the peace talks. Noone else, though.”

Had she learned that last night, it would’ve made Jester madder. Now she just asked, “Because you thought he wouldn’t hate you for it?”

“Partly, I suppose, though there were…other things I needed to say to him at the time. He too insisted I was a good man.”

“Don’t you think that we’re all saying that means something?” Jester suggested.

“It has made me aware you have reasons to think the way you do. But I…as the one who did it, the one who did all of it....Veth told me once that what I did was unforgivable until I could forgive myself, but I don’t think I will ever quite do that.”

Jester had known already, of course, that Caleb was sad, and full of guilt and grief and trauma from his past. But it was only hearing his words now, seeing his face now largely unguarded, and knowing what was behind it all, that she could fully understand just how much pain he was in, every day of his life.

“If this were a novel,” she couldn’t help saying, “I would now be certain of my feelings for you, and all I would have to do would be to step forward and kiss the pain away. But even if I was certain…it wouldn’t work anyway, would it? I was thinking about that right before I came down here, that…well, maybe you’ll get better, maybe you even have gotten better already, but you’re never going to be free of this completely, and I hate it. I hate that you’re never going to not be in pain.”

“Oh, Jester,” he said to her. “You do make it better. Indeed, why are you worrying about that so much whe you should be worried about what else we've just learned.”

“Oh I am…” Even the reminder made her shiver in the early morning air. “I’m worrying about you because I don’t even want to think about it, really, because whenever I do, I just get so scared, and it gets so hard to think about what to do…it’s got me all messed up…”

Suddenly his arms were placed on either side of her in a clear offer of a hug. Jester took it, leaning in until she was tightly clasped in his embrace-and now she recognized it as an act of love, one that asked nothing from her in return.

“See, this is what I’m talking about,” she said. “You’re so good to me…” And she found herself moving her head up and pressing kisses to his chin, needing to express what affections she definitely had for him, giving him just a little of the love he was cloaking her in.

Except as he started, “Jester, I…” he tilted his face down to talk to her, and somewhere in it her mouth instead landed on his.

And, for a moment, it was just easy to kiss him so softly, to feel how warm his lips were, to let the heat from them rush through her.

Then she realized what she was doing, and hastily pulled away. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t do that to you, not when I’m still not sure…”

“It’s fine, it was an accident.” His voice was thicker now, and that sent another current of warmth through her.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll just…go back to bed?” It wasn’t quite early enough to justify that, but she suddenly needed to flee.

“Good idea,” he agreed, and let her run off first.

Her lips were still tingling when she got back to her bedroom.

***

They were still trying to figure out breakfast when Essek returned. He took admonishments from both Fjord and Beau before revealing he had news. “But you should eat first,” he said. “You may not have much of an appetite after hearing some of it.”

That made for a tense breakfast. Jester caught herself watching Caleb for a lot of it. He was looking pretty placid on the surface at the moment, but now that made her wonder what emotions might be roiling under his skin. She had no doubt he was grieving deeply for Astrid, and was probably the most anxious of them all when it came to what Essek might say, and what they might do as a result. Was he also remembering the kiss from hours earlier, or had he forced himself not to think about it? She wanted to talk to him about…she didn’t even know what, just something.

When all the plates were clean, Essek said, “The good news is, I may have learned all we need to know, at least to remove all immediate dangers to all of you until such time as we choose to target the Assembly again. At least if Lady DeRogna’s assessment of her colleagues is correct. She claims that while Jester has…unnerved much of the Assembly, the only one besides Ikithon who would move against her without further provocation is Lord Uludan.”

That made sense. There had been an incident some months back involving him, Sprinkle, an enlarged snake and two jars of very sparkly and very unpredictable powder that he’d come out of having been badly humiliated. Looking back, it hadn’t been the smartest idea Jester had ever had. At the time she still hadn’t been coping well with the whole fallout of TravelerCon.

“Ikithon, on the other hand, showed me something else, a place Caleb and Erik may or may not have been to. When he brought prisoners to his students, where did he bring them, exactly?”

Caleb took a deep breath; once again Jester thought about how painful this had to be for him. “Usually to the house where he kept us. A few times we went to secret rooms within the sanatorium. Or at least I thought they were probably there. He would magically blind us, so we didn’t know where we were, exactly.” Erik was nodding.

“You were underneath the building. There is a secret prison there, where he and the Assembly conduct the most unpleasant of their experiments, mostly, I believe, on political prisoners and such. I had already received indications of this place existing, but it was only this morning he invited me to sit in on some of the work being done there.” He spoke as if it was only something mildly troubling. Jester could see her friends looking uneasily at each other.

Then Beau shook her head, saying, “He didn’t even show Erik where it was but he showed you, letting the prisoners and probably other people see you there? It’s probably a trap.”

“We could still try to make use of this information,” said Fjord. “If we can figure out a way to release the prisoners…”

“Which we should do anyway,” Caduceus added.

“We could take care of all our current problems, and possibly even future ones, preferably without anyone left alive even knowing we were involved,” Essek finished. “Taking this path would certainly require concealing our involvement, or likely incurring the wrath of the King.”

“I don’t care about that old bastard,” growled Erik. “I’ll march in myself and free them if the rest of you won’t come with me. Though I would hope you would, at least, Caleb.”

When Caleb looked uncertain for a moment, and Erik looked far too angry, Jester hastily burst in, “Of course we want to rescue them! I mean, that’s why we started on this whole thing, right? To stop the Assembly from hurting more people.”

Veth might have seen it too, because she came in on her heels, “If they mean it to be a trap, they’ll be waiting for us with their best mages. Which probably wouldn’t include Lord Uludan, but does *he* know that? If we could make him believe he has been summoned to the sanatorium to help kill us, maybe he’d jump at it.”

“I think he would,” said Erik. “But how do we do that?”

Multiple ideas were then tossed about, one or two of them even good. Plans for springing the trap without getting killed followed in a similar manner. Eventually they agreed that they would wait a few hours to see if anyone else wished to contact Essek, and if noone did, he would risk contriving an excuse to return to the sanatorium, where he would try to trick them into believing the Mighty Nein would be coming later than they actually planned to. Once they knew both when they would be expected and when they would attack, Fjord and Caleb would go to Nicodranas, where a disguised Fjord would notify Uludan he was needed up at the sanatorium.

***

Fjord’s guise needed certain papers related to the Assembly, and Jester would ultimately spent most of the next day and a half working to make them look as convincing as possible. She worked in the library, with Essek occasionally coming in to check her work. He was indeed summoned back into Ikithon’s company that night, and came back looking unsettled, but told them they would be expected to sneak into the sanatorium in three days.

Late the next morning she was mostly done, still applying some final touches, but much of the time just sitting there, trying to quell her restlessness. When Veth came in with some tasty pie for lunch then sat down to eat it with her, Jester was relieved for the distraction, even though she expected to face a more thorough interrogation about Caleb.

But instead Veth said, “I kind of wish we were the ones going to Nicodranas to pull this trick.”

Not very long ago Jester would’ve agreed wholeheartedly. Now, she said, “I think Fjord is the best person for this, but it is so hard to sit here and wait.” She didn’t know how to say that when she thought about trying to talk to Lord Uludan in that kind of situation, knowing he wanted revenge on her, she honestly didn’t know if she could’ve pulled such a ruse off.

“At least it should be over in a couple of days?” Veth offered. “And then I really think we’re going to have to lay low for a while, maybe head back out to sea. So we’ll all get to go to Nicodranas, and I can finally see my family again, and you can visit your mama, without putting them in more danger.”

That did sound nice, but even so a shiver ran through Jester. Veth must have seen it, because she said, “It’s just the sea. There’s only one divine power particular to the Lucidian Ocean, and you’re not the one of us he’s after.”

“It’s not the sea, not really,” said Jester. “It’s that most of the Traveler’s remaining followers are still on the coast. I still message with Dica and Duno sometimes, and they say almost everybody’s pretty much all right now, and they pretty much have formed their community with each other, but…”

But they hadn’t been all right, after what had happened on Rumblecusp. And the likes of Beau could say all they wanted that it was the Traveler, the god, who should’ve taken the responsibility with the power she’d given him, and it all was his fault, but she’d been the one who’d made him able to do all he’d done, every single step of the way. Heck, she was still doing it, because she remained his even after what had happened, even if things would never be quite the same. Then again, she wasn’t the only one there.

The way she’d fucked things up there had directly led to painful consequences for so many people, and there didn’t seem to be much she could do to fix it. Dica and Duno and their friends could do things, and were doing them, but still that was going to haunt her.

She hadn’t felt able to say this to any of her friends, either. But maybe some of them had figured out how she was feeling, and Veth said gently, “So long as you keep yourself willing to help should the opportunity arise, what more can they ask from you now?”

They finished their pieces of pie, and then Jester said, “But it’s going to be hard, anyway, isn’t it? Because then we have to decide how much we want to do.”

That was the unspoken question that had been lurking ahead of all their plans for the past couple of days, just within their line of sight, if something they couldn’t deal with yet. The only thing they’d known for sure from the start was that they wanted to remove Trent Ikithon from power, and there’d been no doubt they’d continue until they did that. But once he was dead, they were going to have to ask themselves how much and for how long they wanted to risk themselves against something so powerful, or even what impact of taking the Assembly down could have on the people of the Empire, if it was possible to make things worse for them.

“Not immediately,” said Veth, and now she sounded almost too cheerful as she gathered their dishes up. “I’ll leave you to finish these?”

***

By the time Caleb came into the library an hour or so later, Jester had officially declared the papers done, and was mostly wandering around, occasionally pulling out a book and looking at it just as something to do, though she sure wasn’t up for reading anything.

“We’re about ready to go,” he said. “Everyone’s coming downstairs to see us off.”

Jester couldn’t just walk silently next to him that far. In her current state, she’d go kind of mad.

Her earlier conversation with Veth was still on her mind too, so they were barely out of the library when she asked, “If this succeeds, will you want to go after everyone in the Assembly?”

Caleb considered it. Then he said, “I think I would, yes, all of them. Except I’m not so foolish as to try alone, and already I’ve put you especially in too much danger. And honestly, I don’t know how much of it is because I want to stop what they’re doing, and how much is just my wanting revenge.”

“I think it’s both for all of us at the point, Cayleb, at least for Ikithon.” Then she saw how troubled he looked at that, and sighed, “You are not going to feel guilty because caring about you makes us feel that way!”

“Jester, I know what it is to want to kill someone, to know if you had the chance you would do it, even if you didn’t have to, you would make them suffer, and you would never feel any remorse over it afterwards. What it is to long to do it.” His lips turned upward slightly. “It is not a pleasant experience.”

“I know,” said Jester simply, because yes, she did feel that way about Trent Ikithon. “But I won’t be sorry for any feelings that come from loving my family.” Because this wasn’t even about potential romance.

When Caleb still looked unhappy, she said, “You loved Astrid, right? And she stayed evil and we had to kill her,” she had to pause here, because the memory of her face as the flame annihilated it and Caleb shaking against her was still too strong, “and I can guess at how badly that all hurts. But do you regret loving her?”

“No,” said Caleb immediately, though his voice was halting. “No I…I can’t.”

She suspected he might have protested further that he still deserved punishments she didn’t, but fortunately they then emerged onto the stairs, and could see everyone else waiting for them.

Once again Jester told those she was seeing off that the Traveler was with them. The part of her that remained angry with him internally added, If he cares about me he had better be. When all the farewells had been spoken, they all watched Caleb draw the circle. Jester’s eyes flicked between the man she had once thought herself in love with and the man she was beginning to think she was in love with now, both of them so dear to her in any case. She met Caleb’s eyes in the moments before he completed the circle, and she tried to convey to him how much he meant to her, how much she needed him to not get killed either today or tomorrow.

And then they were gone, and once again everyone was left waiting, but these were the longest hours yet of the past few days. Several times Jester reminded herself that she shouldn’t message them unless they were gone more than five hours; she might distract them at a crucial moment.

At one point she ended up outside, watching Beau and Yasha spar, which they did until they both clearly exhausted, and she ended up running to fetch them some water. All three of them drank while staring up at the darkened sky. “We should try not to do too much of this,” Beau commented. “Two of us going on a dangerous mission on the other side of Wildemount while the rest of us just have to sit here.”

She went upstairs after that, and tried to draw. She was just making her third attempt at drawing Sprinkle when she heard Beau shout from downstairs “They’re back, everyone!” and bolted downstairs as fast as she could go.

When she first laid eyes on them, Fjord and Caleb looked perfectly fine, although Frumpkin, in his tiny owl form, was fluttering about looking a touch unnerved. But when she looked closer, all she could see was how tired Caleb looked. When Veth, also running in, launched herself at Caleb to hug him, Jester, on impulse, did the same, and all three of them collided into each other and Fjord and toppled everyone over.

“We, uh, we think we pulled it off,” Fjord managed as the four of them pulled themselves up. He and Veth had both skidded about a foot or so away; she was rubbing her leg and shaking her head.

Jester and Caleb, on the other hand, found themselves laying with the faces only inches apart, the heat that always came off him warm on her cheeks, his beautiful blue eyes visibly brightening just at seeing her there, and she wanted to kiss him again.

She might have even done it if he hadn’t hastily pulled himself up while helping her to her feet, but also stepping back to put more distance between them. “As he said. We also stole a bracelet to make it easier to scry on him. Even if he detects it, he probably won’t figure out what it means, and he’d be embarrassed to mention it to anyone.”

“I’ll do it, then,” said Jester. She had managed to think about this that afternoon, and if they were going to all this trouble to target this man because of something she’d been silly enough to do to him, then looking at him from the relative safety of a scrying ritual was pretty much the least she could do.

***

Caduceus communed with the Wildmother first, right after breakfast. He confirmed that they Cerberus Assembly was indeed hoping to spring a trap, and that they’d fallen for both their ruses.

Uludan was expected to have arrived at the sanatorium by then, so Jester set up for the ritual and successfully cast it. Immediately she found herself looking at both him and at Trent Ikithon, as well as several others, including Eodwulf, standing some feet away. Even from the distance, everyone seemed to have ridiculously neutral faces on except the two men, who were arguing.

“Surely having me here can still be of use to you,” Lord Uludan was saying. “I can take out at least one of them, and I want that tiefling. She’s one of the ones that can do resurrections, you know.”

Ikithon dropped his voice as he replied, “If I valued you less, I might be willing to lose you to your own foolery. But if you rush to them to kill Lavorre before anyone else does, do you really think the rest of the Nein will let you live? We can kill them, yes, but not before they’d take you with them, and likely destroy your body beyond our ability resurrect easily. Those who attack them first are practically sacrifices.”

“What if I could get her alone? Surely none of the Nein on their own are a match for the best of us.”

“Even then I would advise you to have someone with you, and in any case, I doubt you’ll manage it. Especially not with Lavorre; she seems to be the group’s pet.”

Obviously he meant it as an insult, but Jester still felt warm inside. It was nice, knowing that her friends cared for her so much that even cold-hearted monsters like Trent Ikithon noticed it. She kind of liked how threatened these super-powerful wizards felt by them too.

Jester knew Veth would’ve liked for Lady DeRogna to still be there, so they could take her out too, but it actually was a good thing she wasn’t, because Ikithon seemed to think she’d called Uludan there for her own nefarious purposes. He made a couple more remarks about that, before he then started talking about useful things such as who had arrived already and what they expected the Nein to do the following day. When the ritual was over, Jester had plenty to tell her friends.

It was also time enough for an idea to form in her head, and when she had reported everything she’d seen, Jester said, “I wonder if maybe I could lure Lord Uludan away from everyone. I could message him saying I’m at the sanatorium alone for some reason, and he’d come running.”

“And possibly bring a bunch more wizards with him,” said Beau.

“Obviously she wouldn’t actually be alone,” said Essek. “Although not all of us would be with her either; this could also work as a diversion. Enough people stay outside to handle Uludan and his companions, while the rest sneak in to free the prisoners.”

That set off a debate of who’d be in which group. It seemed that for each of them, there was someone who wanted them in one group, and someone who wanted them in the other. Jester included, with Veth demanding to know if Uludan would really find out she wasn’t where she said she was before he got there.

By the time they got the groups settled, there wasn’t much time, and Jester ran upstairs just to grab her pack. But she was brought to a full stop when she found the Traveler waiting for her there. It was the first time he’d appeared to her in months, though she knew he’d been with her enough.

“Wha…” she was left stammering. “This is….I, uh, I don’t…”

“Just here to see you off on the most disruptive thing you’ve even done.” He was grinning. Jester found herself grinning back, which felt really good. “For the record, I loved what you did with that powder. The colors were gorgeous.”

He walked up to her, leaned over, and whispered into her ear, “Also, one piece of advice: not much can distract these mages, but an aarakocra overhead, especially that far north, might even send them into a genuine panic.”

That left Jester wondering when they had encountered them, and what they had done to get them mad. But before she could ask, he added, “And for later: while that dour wizard might not be everything I would’ve liked for your first lover, do encourage that prankster side he has in him, will you, my dear? Might even be better for him to cheer himself up a bit.”

“He, uh….” That just left Jester blushing.

“Good luck, my dear Jester. I will be with you if you need me.” And he was gone before she could gather any more words together.

***

Erik and Caleb looked as confused as everyone else when she repeated what he’d said about the araakocra, but the former agreed to cast the illusion. He hadn’t been happy that he wasn’t in the group sneaking into the sanatorium, but there was too much risk of him being recognized by the wrong person. Besides, Caleb and Essek were the ones with the most practical knowledge of the place, so they were going, accompanied by Beau and Veth.

In the wilderness at the foot of the Dunrock Mountains the two groups parted ways. Jester watched Beau and Yasha exchange a farewell kiss, and looked at Caleb, whose gaze was fixed on the rooftops, just visible from where they stood.

Erik had a wire; Caleb would message him both when they would lure Uludan out and when he would send up the illusion. Jester sat next to him as they waited. Softly she said, “You’re about to become a hero, you know, doing this.”

He shook his head, “Saving whatever few prisoners we manage to get out alive won’t even begin to make up for everything I’ve done these past five years.”

She’d expected that response. “You could keep going, if you want. Start by helping to protect those prisoners, and then you can go on to more good things.” Remembering that evening with Essek on the Balleater all those months ago, she said, “If you spend the rest of your life trying to make the world a better place, then that’s plenty of good. Surely that’s worth doing, just for the sake of it.”

This did seem to have an effect on him; he nodded in acceptance, though unfortunately he didn’t look much more cheerful. They sat there for a little while longer, and then he said, “All right, call him out.”

Jester made a quick prayer to the Traveler, then sent Lord Uludan! We heard you were in these woods and we are too, so maybe we could talk? I’d like to apologize for what happened.

It would’ve felt amusing had she felt less anxious. Maybe it did just a little when he just readily replied, Very interesting. Where are you, exactly?, and when she sent him as much detail about that as she could manage, he just said he’d be right over. “Okay he’s coming,” she announced, and they all retreated into the rocks.

He came into sight with two younger mages following him. Jester called out the cheeriest “Hello!” she could manage, invoked Duplicity, and sent her duplicate bounding out.

She tried not to hear the words that came out of his mouth then, since she had to concentrate. The important part was, he blasted the duplicate and not her, even as one of the other wizards exclaimed, “Wait, she wouldn’t have been so foolish as to come here alone!”

“She didn’t!” yelled Fjord, and he and Yasha sprang from the rocks, him already firing Eldritch Blasts, while from his hiding place Caduceus sent a spell out. But they weren’t quite fast enough, and a moment later they were both driven back, terrifying black smoke surrounding Fjord, and Yasha turned a sickly color for a moment.

With Uludan hovering over her duplicate, it was easy for Jester to hit him with a powerful Inflict Wounds. But even as he buckled under it, she saw him shake his head, and next thing she knew the rocks around her had been blown apart, and she was exposed to everyone’s eyes.

Uludan had told his minions who to target, apparently, all three of them raised their hands. Jester felt something dark and burning take hold of her; she resisted as best she could but her body was still trying to rip itself apart. Lightning hit her; the burning got worse as her duplicate quickly vanished. That alone didn’t leave her in dire shape yet, but then Uludan’s mouth formed a cruel smile before he reached into his pocket…

The araakocra burst out from the rocks, charging at the three men and sending them staggering away-one of them right into Yasha’s sword-before flying on towards the sanatorium. Jester took advantage of the distraction to cast her Spiritual Weapon; Uludan was just yelling, “Wait a min-” before it struck him hard.

Erik and Caduceus were out of the rocks a moment later. “I remember you,” growled the former, and lightning surrounded him. The others, having witnessed this spell, scurried back slightly-except Yasha, who had was too busy slicing off the hand on her current opponent, and when the lightning bathed the four of them, she was, at least, not as badly affected as the three men she was fighting-especially when, moments later, her wings sprung out from her back and she was attacking from the air.

It was probably she who dealt their opponents the most damage in that fight, taking down one of the wizards moments before Fjord killed the second. But it was Erik who finally killed Lord Uludan, frying him until he crumbled to ash as the half-orc outright roared.

By then, there was a loud commotion coming from the sanatorium, though they couldn’t see much outside the structure from their distance. As Yasha laid her healing hands on Fjord and Jester herself gulped down a healing potion, Erik scanned the sky, but his illusion was long gone. It sounded like it had served its purpose, though. “We’d better use the secret passage they used to get in,” he said. “Some of the patients might be locking their doors and waiting it out, but more of them have probably fled outside, and we don’t want anyone to see us.”

***

By the time they finally got inside, it was complete chaos, at least on the lower floors. It became a blur to Jester of fighting various wizards and trying to kill them before they killed either her or whichever freed prisoners happened to be in their hallway at the moment; the battle was raging across all the buildings, with participants charging in and out of the underground passages between them.

But at last, it seemed, all the bad guys on hand were dead, and nobody else was coming back in or downstairs. Everyone still alive was left to pick their way through grossly mangled corpses with a vague idea that they should gather back in the dungeons, where anyone who did venture in or down might not know to look for them. Jester fell in with Fjord and Yasha; she was pretty sure Erik and Caduceus were further ahead.

Finally they came to a large open space where they found many people crowded together. Erik and Caduceus were indeed there, and so too were Beau, Veth, and Essek.

And terror beyond anything the battle could’ve made her feel seize Jester. “Where’s Caleb?” she demanded, running forward. “Is he dead? Please don’t say he’s dead! Please say we can bring him back!”

“He’s fine,” Beau said hastily. “He went back into Ikithon’s laboratory. Said there was something he needed to get there.”

Still frightened, Jester without another word turned and ran towards the laboratory, needing to see Caleb with her own eyes, needing to know he was okay.

There was an entrance to the dungeons from the laboratory, and Jester stumbled up its stairway and in, panting for breath. Caleb was there, rummaging through a chest. “It’s fine,” he called back without looking up, “I’ll be back downstairs soon, I just have to find this one thing.”

“Let me help, then.” He looked startled to hear her voice, but still kept searching. “What are you looking for? Some book?”

“We could take one or two of those, too, but I’m looking for a necklace. It was this crudely carved glowing obsidian pendant on a simple steel chain. I don’t know if it’s even here; it wasn’t in any of his drawers. If he managed what he wanted with it, he probably didn’t keep it.”

“Was it yours?” Jester asked, as she opened a box by the door she’d just come through. “Or was it Astrid’s? Did you give it to her?” Not too long ago, she thought, she would’ve sighed at the sweetness of such a story. Now, it would maybe make her a little jealous, but mostly just make her sad.

“No, it was Eodwulf’s,” said Caleb. “He made it just before we left home, and at the Academy he and one of his friends experimented with it. I don’t remember what they did, exactly, but when Ikithon took us here, he took it away, said he’d done things with it he wasn’t powerful enough to handle. Eodwulf still hadn’t quite gotten over the loss of it when…” He drifted off, and they both searched in silence for another few minutes before he said, “I’ve found it.”

Jester took in the faintly glowing rock and partly rusted chain, and asked, “Are you going to examine it yourself?”

To her surprise, Caleb shook his head. “Not this one. Eodwulf told Astrid and me, during those times we feared we might not survive what he was doing to us, that if he died, he wanted us to try to steal it back and hang it somewhere, a place we could memorialize him in.”

“We could stick it to one of the walls in the library,” said Jester. “And maybe I could paint a picture of him below it?”

For a moment she wondered if Caleb actually wanted that within their house, the reminder of another lost friend, or if he just wanted to hang it up somewhere they weren’t at so often. But he actually smiled as he nodded. “Yes, Jester, that would be very nice of you.”

They were on their way back to the others when Jester asked it, “I’m sorry, but it’s driving me crazy not knowing. Did you have to kill him yourself?”

He shook his head. “He was with Ikithon when Essek manage to paralyze them both, and let our newly freed prisoners do the rest. I was fighting another wizard at that point, and didn’t even really see it. I only….saw what was left of them afterwards.”

And he clearly hadn’t even been able to enjoy that happening to Ikithon, if only because it had happened to his old friend too. Jester wasn’t sure whether he would’ve anyway, but she wouldn’t have blamed him for it.

Carefully she reached out and touched his hand, though she nearly drew it back from the feeling that charged through her when she did. The thrill that took her when he wrapped it around hers was even stronger. She knew what everyone would think if they walked in like this, but she didn’t care. With all the feelings welling up in her at this moment, she could only believe they’d be pretty much right anyway.

***

They stayed just long enough to change a few things around to make it look like Ikithon’s current unfortunate students had turned on him and accidentally freed the prisoners. Then they managed to sneak out with the patients cautiously venturing back inside, before anyone from the Assembly who knew about the dungeons arrived.

At that point, however, none of them were in shape to transport both themselves and a couple dozen surviving prisoners anywhere without resting first. Instead they fled into the secret passages within the mountains, but were only able walk for about an hour, after which some of the prisoners were in such bad shape even magical aid couldn’t get them any further. Collectively they had perhaps enough magic left in them for concealment and shielding for the night, but no more than that.

Five people insisted they would go on by themselves, and everyone watched as Erik especially begged them not to. “I am willing to dedicate my life to keeping you all safe and getting you somewhere where you can start your lives over,” he said to them. “But these mountains are very dangerous by themselves, and we need to get you out of the Empire.”

“The Kryn would likely take most of you in,” Essek added. “Some of the less known of you might also safely disappear into certain corners of the Menagerie Coast.”

“And what if we don’t want to disappear?” demanded one older-looking woman. “What if what we have seen and suffered has left us all the more determined to fight this evil Empire? Indeed, how can any of us run? How can any of you turn away from what you know these monsters will do all over again once they had new prisoners to do it to?”

“You could work against the Empire by coming with me,” Essek offered, but she threw him a very mistrustful glare.

“If you really want to go straight back to fighting and feel up to it,” said Beau, “you can do that, but maybe don’t go shaming some other people who’ve been beaten and tortured nearly to death? Our first destination tomorrow is Rosohna, and a day after that we’re probably going to travel to Nicodranas. From there you could even get passage north, and probably with less chance of the wrong people recognizing you than there’d be in many places. We’ve got a ship, and when it comes in, we’re probably going to be on it for a while?” She looked at the others to make it a question.

The rest of the Nein chorused their general agreements. “I think we could use a few extra crew members,” Fjord added, “if any of you are interested.”

“And we haven’t necessarily battled against the Cerberus Assembly for the last time,” Caleb added, though he too looked around, and more anxiously.

“How long is this ship going to take to get to Nicodranas?” asked one prisoner. “I don’t trust those Concord stooges not to hand us over if they find us.”

“I’ll find out right now,” Jester offered, and sent, Hey, Orly, we got rid of the people after us and we maybe have some new crew! When could you pick us up from Nicodranas?

The response came back quickly enough, Hello, glad to hear it. We’re a little ways away from shore, but I reckon we could get to Nicodranas in four or five days.

When she’d reported that, there were several mutters. “It won’t be too bad,” she tried telling them. “My mama lives in Nicodranas, she’s the famous Ruby of the Sea, and she’s got a chateau big enough to hold all of you, and you’d be safe there.”

“She won’t want me there,” said the woman. “I’m too dangerous for a woman like her to keep around. But not to worry; I wouldn’t impose on her hospitality.”

Still, the five who had wanted to go was now looking more hesitant, and Erik said, “At least stay with us tonight. We have food with us; when did any of you last eat? Then everyone get a little sleep, and we’ll be ready to leave the mountains after that.”

There was a little more arguing, but eventually everyone agreed.

***

With the number of people to feed there was only so much for each of them to eat, just enough to keep them going until they were back in Rosohna. Even so, by the time she was done eating her portion, Jester knew she had to talk to Caleb, that she would’ve needed to as much as a day ago if planning this raid hadn’t kept them too busy for that, and now that that was all over, she wasn’t going to sleep properly if she didn’t. So as they all got up, she went over to him and asked, “Cayleb, can I just talk to you about something really quickly, before you set up the dome? A little bit over there.”

Caleb actually looked confused, which seemed kind of ridiculous. “Of course, Jester, but let’s not go too far.”

“We don’t have to go very far,” she said. “Just out of sight.”

That turned out not to be too far, since a couple minutes’ walk led them to a turn that took them out of the immediate sight of the others. They stopped and turned to face each other, him with a worried whisper of, “What is it?”

And Jester realized then she didn’t know how to respond. She’d been so preoccupied with getting a talk with Caleb she hadn’t even thought about what she was actually going to say. “I…” she started. Well, she did know what she was going to say, just not how to say it. “I…I’m pretty sure…” No, that wasn’t the right way to put this. Then she saw his lips purse, and the next moment, she’d grabbed him and kissed him hard.

A moment after that his tongue was in her mouth, and she worried about her teeth hurting him. But then he was moving forward and pressing fierce kisses all over her face, her nose, her eyes, her horns, before returning to her mouth, and when she pushed her own tongue in, the realization that this was Caleb’s mouth, his teeth, his face pressed right up against hers, his hunger for her driving him, all of it ignited feelings in her she’d never before known.

It sent her hands fumbling against him, wishing he didn’t have a thick coat on. And then when she found she could fit her tail under both coat and shirt, she slid it onto the bare skin of his back, and they both gasped into each other as fireworks went off in her brain. Caleb had kept his hands on her neck and in her hair, but now he moved them downwards, and they felt delicious on her arms her hips, up her sides and when they avoided her breasts she wanted to grab and put them there; she wanted him to touch her. She pulled him flush against her, and oh, she knew what that was, and she could actually feel it getting harder against her thigh, making her want it even more.

They came up for breath with their foreheads still pressed together. Out of Caleb came a rough desperate hiss of “Jester…” and for the first time, Jester understood what all those books had talked about when they’d described a heroine as feeling weak in the knees. Much more of this and she might have felt complete destroyed.

And somehow, at last, the words came, “I feel so much for you…if this isn’t love I don’t know what is…honestly, I’m kind of overwhelmed and maybe a little scared right now, but I still want this…and now that I know I want it I won’t be nearly as happy without it…and I know you think I deserve better or whatever but I don’t care, just please, we both want this, please just let us have it!”

“All right,” he whispered, voice hoarse with joy and fear, same as hers, and kissed her again-more chaste this time, but still firm and strong and so, so warm. “If you truly want me, after all you know, then have me.” Another kiss, softer, and sweeter. “But we need to get back now; I have to go make the dome. If I didn’t, I’d happily stay here with you all night.”

Essek made a bigger dome, but both domes were still stuffed. Not that Jester minded all that much, since it gave her all the more excuse to sleep that night in Caleb’s embrace. It might not have been all that romantic, with other people pressed up against the both of them, but it was still nice. She could see from close up how much lighter he looked, even after such a hard and painful few days. Of course they were all feeling better now that’d done what they’d done, and also they were in much less danger than they had been, but she figured having her in his arms helped too.

***

When they walked out onto the streets of Rosohna the next day, Jester was feeling positively triumphant. She wanted to shout to everyone in the street that the man walking beside her was now hers, that he’d accepted her love and was giving her his. She wanted to go tell everyone they’d ever met. She wanted to stick a sign on him, a big pink one saying “THIS MAN IS LOVED.” She wanted to march right up to the remaining bastards at the Cerberus Assembly and tell them that Caleb wasn’t theirs anymore, and she was going to make him as better as he could be made. She wasn’t sure she wouldn’t next time she saw them.

But there wasn’t time for such things that day. They could finally return to the Xhorhaus, but when even Vedalla hadn’t been able to stay there, the place needed at least a little cleaning up, and they ended up preparing both the guest room and the war room for Erik and five more of the former prisoners who had refused to stay with Essek. It had also been a while since they’d been able to properly stack up on supplies; their diamond supply especially had been getting alarmingly low. Jester made sure to replenish her paints as well.

It was early in the afternoon when Jester and Caleb bound Eodwulf’s necklace up high in one of the library corners. “You know,” she said, “I could paint them both. If you want.” She wasn’t sure why her voice was trembling.

Caleb was still for a minute or so, his eyes closed. “If it hurts too much to see her there of course I won’t,” she said. “You don’t have to do that to yourself just to remember her.”

“No,” he said, “you can paint them both. But…I want you to paint them the way they were when I knew them. I can generate the images for you.”

It was kind of weird, Jester admitted to herself, to be painting Astrid as she had been when Caleb had loved her, in a place where he would see her and be reminded of it regularly. But it might just have been even worse to leave her out, to make them feel like he was hiding from her. So she set to work painting them with as much care as she had ever painted anything, and by the time she finished by painting their names above them, it was nearly evening. It left her so tired that when Caleb magically cleaned her off and led her to a chair, she pretty much went limp in his arms, though she was vaguely aware that would probably get him worried.

Sure enough, he was looking over her very anxiously, so she tried to at least speak. “We’ve got to go dine with Essek tonight, right?” she finally managed.

“It’s a late dinner; you’ve got time to rest.” He moved to sit on the floor beside her, which suddenly felt like too far away.

“Cay-leb,” she said, “can I sit in your lap and maybe kiss you a little bit?”

“Of course,” he chuckled, and that did mean she had to pull herself up long enough for him to slide into the chair, but then she plopped back down into the warmest seat she had ever curled into, even before he wrapped his arms around her and pressed kisses to her ear.

A few minutes later, she finally had the energy to look up and properly consider her completed work. The two youths she had painted looked nothing like the two wizards who had met their deaths in the past few days, one of them by her own hand.

“What was she like that last time?” she found herself asking. “When you went to see her?”

He shook his head. “It wasn’t even that she didn’t…I think she was glad to see me, that if you told her then she’d be sent to kill us, she would’ve been…though I certainly knew it was all too possible, by the time I left. She said she’d spent a long time hoping I’d recover, in the sanatorium. She went through the ordeal of still caring for me when it must have seemed truly hopeless…and I then I told her it had all been for a lie. And she didn’t care. Well, maybe that’s not entirely fair; she certainly wished it hadn’t happened to me, but…she just believed so much in what the Cerberus Assembly was doing, that they needed to do what they did to protect the Empire, that she wouldn’t turn against it all, not even for what they did to us.”

When she saw tears in her eyes, Jester found her handkerchief and tenderly wiped them away. Carefully, she asked, “Could you ever be happy, if we ended our war with them yesterday, if we didn’t go after them again? If the answer’s no, you should know that all of us are willing to do that.”

“I still don’t know. I do feel a lot better, with Ikithon gone. We should wait, anyway, see what happens as a result of all this. Also,” he hesitated, then said, “Right now, with you here, I feel like I’ll be as happy as I’m still capable of being.”

Jester had to kiss him for that. “You love me, right?” she whispered, because after all that talk of Astrid, she really wanted to hear him say it.

“Always, Jester,” he whispered back. “I love you. Doubt everything else, but never that.”

Their kisses got deeper, hungrier. Jester felt the same passion that had risen inside her the previous night; it still blew her away, that he could make her feel this. They weren’t going any further than this that night, though. After dinner with Essek, she was pretty sure she was going straight back to her own bed and collapsing, and anyway, there was one thing she needed to find out first.

She could take care of that the next morning, though. For tomorrow night, she definitely had plans.

***

Nine of the former prisoners accompanied them to Nicodranas, with four of them immediately heading straight for the Wuyun Gorge. When Erik announced his intention to go with them, Jester, Caleb, and Veth all offered him emotional farewells, while the rest of the Nein chose to see them through the city to just east of the Wharf.

Veth instead went to immediately see her husband and son, Caleb with her. So it was Jester alone who led the five people who had decided to join the Balleater’s crew to her mother’s chateau. She had thought to message her mother beforehand about it, and her mother had assured her five people for a few days was no problem. When one young man timidly said that he’d always wanted to hear the Ruby of the Sea sing, she even did a song for all of them.

“Can I talk to you, mama?” Jester asked when they had all gone off to their rooms. When her mother nodded, and they sat down, she took a deep breath and tried not to blush. It was ridiculous, that after everything, this conversation should embarrass her. “Well, I kind of need to know…how do you keep from getting pregnant?”

“Oh, of course.” Her mother seemed untroubled, at least. “Actually, I don’t think Fjord can get your pregnant.”

“It’s not him.” Now Jester was blushing. “It’s Caleb.”

Her mother looked very startled, and a little apologetic. “It’s okay,” Jester told her quickly. “I know everyone thought I was in love with Fjord. I thought I was in love with Fjord for a long while. And this is all new; we only kissed for a first time a few days ago.”

“I see,” Her mother still looked very surprised.

Well, if she knew about Caleb’s past, maybe it made sense she might be a little worried. “He’s a good guy,” Jester said to him. “I don’t know if maybe Yeza told you anything about his past.”

“Just a little bit. He said mostly that he regretted it, and also that he was very angry about it.”

“He was right to be angry about it,” said Jester, because she would always defend him there. “They made him do things he still hasn’t forgiven himself for, and he still thinks he’s a bad man, and he’s not; he’s one of the best men I’ve ever met! He’s been trying to do the right thing so much, and he’d do anything for any of us, and he’s been so kind, especially to me, and he’s so smart, and he feels so much, I don’t think most people even realize it, and I didn’t see any of it, but now I do, and when I look at him, I-I just…”

“Oh, my dear daughter.” Her mother’s look was wistful now. “You truly are in love with him.”

“I am,” said Jester. “Just like you were in love with father.”

“I do hope he’s a better man than that.” For a moment she closed her eyes, as if still lost in the memory. “If you love him, I suppose, there’s nothing to be done.”

“So you don’t object?” That would be just awful, if she did.

“It’s not be place to object to this, Jester,” she smiled. “Choosing to be with a man, romantically, sexually, or both? When that chance is put to you, only you can decide to take it. Nonetheless, I would like to get to know a little bit more about him. Do you think he would be willing to dine tonight with just the two of us?”

“Sure!” Jester exclaimed, very relieved. “Well, I don’t know about how everyone else will feel, but I guess they can all go out for fish and chips, maybe take our new sailors out?”

Indeed, when she messaged that suggestion, everyone pretty much seemed to agree to it. Of course, they probably all realized what was going on.

“One thing about your wizard,” said her mother when that was done, “is that he may know some spells to prevent pregnancy himself. But I have some potions on hand that should work; I can give you a good amount for the road as well, and you can find them in most big cities with enough humans in them. Also, I actually have a booklet of practical advice for human-tiefling relations, which I think you should read, if only because it may help keep you from accidentally hurting him.”

Jester had been a little worried about that already, so she took the booklet and spent the rest of the morning carefully reading. It felt like almost the opposite of her novels, making sex sound mechanical and difficult, talking about body temperature differences as well as the hazards of claws and sharpened teeth. Maybe, she thought, the real thing was somewhere in between. With any luck she’d find out that night, though maybe she could ask someone first.

***

Of course she wanted to see Yeza and especially Luc, so she probably would’ve spent the afternoon with the Brenattos anyway. She was prepared to be greeted at the gate by Veth’s smirk, and her, “So, have some intentions for my boy tonight?”

The Brenattos were renting a very nice house, and Jester could hear Caleb and Luc’s voices murmuring inside. “Actually, about that, what’s sex really like?” she found herself blurting out. “I used to think it was like in the novels, but then people told me it isn’t, and I just read this thing my mom had about human-tiefling sex, and now I’m worried about whether humans always even enjoy that, though some of them must, since they pay my mom for it all the time…” She stopped as it occurred to her maybe Veth wasn’t the most ideal person for this. But on the other hand, she knew about sex with men, which Beau and Yasha didn’t.

“Well,” said Veth, and she was actually looking thoughtful. “Since you’ve never done it, and I know Caleb hasn’t in a very long time, honestly, tonight might be a little awkward, and you might fumble about a lot before you figure out what you’re doing. Talking to him first might help, though; he should have at least some idea about what he likes, if you can just get him to admit to it, and you’ve got any idea of what you want, do tell him. But sex is one of those things you get better at with practice. Lots and lots of practice.” And now she was smirking again.

“I see,” said Jester, and she supposed that all made sense.

“Hey,” said Veth, as they headed for the house. “At least you two won’t get mud all over yourselves, like Yeza and I did our first time, when I jumped him in in the meadow where we’d just promised to marry, forgetting that it had rained earlier that morning. I think it was days before he got his hair clean. Didn’t help matters he didn’t quite last long enough for us to get his trousers entirely off.” That made them both giggle. “But you know, even with all that, we both still really enjoyed it. If you don’t let yourself be disappointed by its shortcomings, you two should still find it very nice.”

And they had to end the talk there, because they’d just stepped into the main room, where Caleb was sitting with Luc on the coach while Yeza was bent over a table, carefully sketching something. They had a book open, and Caleb was reading quietly to Luc, who was eagerly leaning over the pages with him.

Taking the scene in, Veth leaned over and whispered, “I’ve thought Caleb would make a good father, though I don’t know if he’d ever trust himself enough to become one. Or if you’d want to become a mother, necessarily, because that’s not the easiest thing in the world to be. But if you did.”

The idea had its appeal, definitely. And Veth was probably right, so there was more than one reason for Caleb to make babies.

Veth hadn’t gone unheard by the room’s other occupants; all three of them looked up. Jester had always loved making people happy, of course, but the way Caleb’s face just lit up when he saw her made her want to fly. Even if Luc promptly exclaimed, “Ah, you’re Uncle Caleb’s girlfriend now, right?” and made him turn red.

“Yes, I am,” said Jester, aware as she did that this was the first time either of them had actually *said* something like that, but, well, it had pretty much been true since that moment in the cave two nights ago. And Caleb certainly didn’t object, but just scooted over to make room for both women on the couch. “What are you reading about?”

“Uncle Caleb cast this amazing illusion earlier,” said Luc. “Showed me this beautiful smart bird that he said actually lives up in the Cyrios Mountains, but one of your friends made one appear all the way up in the Dunrock Mountains to confuse the bad wizards. And he had a book on the birds and their society.”

Jester recognized the book now; it was one of the ones they had taken from Trent Ikithon’s study. They’d just grabbed two from the far end of the shelf where Caleb had thought the books looked more like academic tomes, and this seemed like one, but as they read on, Caleb explained all the harder words and made it easy for a boy Luc’s age to understand.

It was a delightful afternoon. When Luc got tired of reading, Jester showed him her eagle form, and gave him a ride around the room. The rest of the Nein eventually arrived with the news that they’d seen Erik and the others off, and they all got treated to a crossbow demonstration.

As they all prepared to go out, Jester and Caleb back to the chateau and everyone else to get fish and chips, Veth took Jester aside. “You do know,” she said, softly but meaningfully, “that if you break Caleb’s heart, I’ll break something of yours far worse.”

“I know,” said Jester; she’d been expecting this since the previous day. Then she took Veth’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “When it comes to him, we’re in this together now.”

“Good.” Veth squeezed back, and they smiled at each other. They’d already been friends and partners in crime, of course, but now, Jester hoped, having Caleb in common like this would truly make them sisters.

***

There was one more thing Jester had agreed to do for the group that day, which she would’ve done during the afternoon, except she wanted to do it alone. Even if the Traveler wasn’t the kind of god that cared about a girl’s virginity, and probably thought it was high time she had the adventure of losing it, she couldn’t help but feel things were going to be different after tonight. Maybe it was just that she herself was going to feel different. This last time talking to him before that, she wanted them to be able to speak freely.

Dinner wasn’t yet on the table when they reached the chateau anyway. So Jester went up to her room, and set up her figurines, and made her incantation. “Traveler, I know you came to talk to me just a couple of days ago, and I’m really glad you did, that piece of advice was really helpful, but I need to commune with you now.”

When she opened her eyes, he was standing before her. “Well done, my dear. I knew you had it in you. Though I’m afraid if you want to ask me about sex…”

“No, no, this is related to the big heroic stuff. I just want to know: do the Martinet and the other Assembly bigwigs think we might have been involved in what happened at the sanatorium?”

“Ah,” he nodded. “Suspect it, yes. I think they were going to in any case.”

Trying to keep her heartbeat down, Jester then asked, “Do they have any plans to do anything about that?”

But there, thankfully, he chuckled, and said, “Right now, no. Believe me, the Martinet is not happy with that thought, but with neither any actual evidence on hand, nor belief you’ll do anything further now you’ve done in his colleague…this may affect their attitude towards Essek eventually, but for now I believe they’re thinking the same of him.”

“Good, good,” and all the tension from that, at least, flowed out of her, at least for now. Still she asked one last question, one a couple members of the party had been particularly worried about. “What about King Dwendal? Does he have any idea the whole thing might not have been what we made it look like?”

The Traveler shrugged. “Why should he? The Assembly certainly isn’t going to tell him. The apparent story is embarrassing enough, but they would be more embarrassed by the alternative, especially since they can’t exactly tell him that you might have had the help of the shadowhand of the Bright Queen that they invited into the place, now can they? That’s another reason they can’t do much against you right now, because if you really wanted, you could take the lot of them down with you.”

“Yeah, that all makes sense,” Jester agreed, and now she could even grin.

“And I shall have to go in a moment or so, and I don’t think you want me watching you tonight, but I do have a question for you,” and now he sounded uncertain, like he had in the jungle that fateful night. “Jester, will we ever be what we were again?”

And to that, Jester had to say a word she once thought she’d never have to say to him. “No. I’m still your cleric. I still want to serve you, if you need me to. I still even think you’re really cool, honestly, and fun, and I’ll still try to live by what you taught me. But…” How to sum up things it would take her days to explain? “I can’t look at you the way I used to, back when I thought you were something you’re not.”

His expression came close to shattering her heart. “I’m so, so sorry,” she said, as tears formed in her eyes. “I’ve never wanted to hurt you, not ever.”

“Don’t cry, my dear,” he said, and gently reached out and flicked the tears away. “If I am still to have you, I think I shall be glad for that.” Then he rose up, and was gone with a whirl of his cloak.

Surprisingly, it was that which startled Sprinkle, and he darted from her and ran around the space where the Traveler had stood for several minutes before Jester was able to calm him. That helped her gain her bearings, before she sent messages out, to Erik as well as her other friends, about what the Traveler had just told her. Then she repeated his final words to herself, and they did bring her comfort, the thought that maybe, in the end, what she could still give him might be enough for both of them.

And tonight, she reminded herself, was supposed to be a joyful one, especially now that they knew themselves to be safe for the moment. A new nervous excitement began to build up in Jester then, as she scrubbed her face a little cleaner, changed into one of the nicer dresses left in her closet, brushed her hair out, and then headed downstairs.

***

Her mother had often dined alone with her clients, especially if they were there for the first time. And occasionally turned them away without letting them into her bed; she was used to making these dinners evaluations. And while her daughter might have already accepted Caleb, Jester was pretty sure she was using the same approach to this evening.

Which wasn’t really a bad thing, since part of her appeal was that she was such good company in general, and good at putting people at their ease. Caleb was a pretty challenging case there, especially since he might be afraid either mother or daughter might still reject him. But her mother made sure to restrict all of her questions about him and his life to either before he was taken out of the Academy or after he and Nott had met, and she asked less about his past then about his future, especially peppering him about he might do when his adventuring days were over. She clearly approved of his ideas of becoming a teacher, and even suggested various places on the coast where he could find students-all places where Jester, too, could have various options, depending on what she decided to do with herself.

Their plates were just about cleaned when he finally said, “I can’t help but notice there were some things you didn’t ask me about.”

“I’m not ignorant, Caleb,” she replied. “I know your very general history. I know you’ve confessed some things to Jester, and she accepted you knowing them, and that means I don’t care about the rest. What I care about is my daughter, and that you will do everything in your power to be good to her.”

“Oh, believe me, madam, I want nothing more than that,” was Caleb’s zealous response.

It made her mother smile and say, “I believe you, and now I will sleep soundly tonight.” She rose, walked around the table until she was standing between him and Jester, and placed a key on the table. “I’ve prepared the grand bedroom in the North Wing for the two of you; you’ll find potions there, as well as a nest for Sprinkle, and it’s a good way away from where everyone else will be sleeping tonight. Goodnight.” She leaned over and kissed her daughter on the forehead, then turned and walked out.

Caleb looked a little frozen, and for the first time Jester wondered if he was ready for this. “It’s okay if you don’t want to tonight,” she said hastily. “We can just go upstairs and snuggle.”

“No, I do want to,” said Caleb. “I want to very much. It’s just….”

Another question occurred to her: “Wait, did you ever actually do this with Astrid? Did you ever do this with anyone?” Wouldn’t that be a laugh, she thought, if they were both virgins.

“I did do it with Astrid, yes, but…” He took a deep breath. “By the time we realized how we felt, Ikithon wasn’t leaving us with the opportunity for much. There were a few nights where we found enough time together, but even then…we’d be in pain, haunted by the deeds we’d done, scared. There were times we dreamed of what it would be like when we got out of there, when we could make love in comfort and safety with all the time we wanted…and since her, there’s been noone. I didn’t think there should be. I remember one time Nott even took me to a brothel and said she’d pay, but at that point in my life I wasn’t going to inflict myself on anyone like that, and it wasn’t what I wanted.”

“And now you’re about to have what you thought you never would,” Jester finished. “Really, this is more significant for you than for me, isn’t it? I mean, I always figured I’d have sex sooner or later.”

“Oh, Jester,” he said. “Your first time ought to be about you. If I could make love to you tonight the way you deserved…”

“You’ll probably figure out how to do that eventually,” said Jester, as she reached out and took his hand. “And tonight should be about both of us. I kind of wish I was more prepared, you know; I’ve been worried about accidentally cutting you up.”

“I’ve prepared a spell to toughen my tongue, so kissing shouldn’t be a problem,” he said. “There’s one to dull teeth, too, but I don’t want to do that one unless you really want me to.”

“Maybe I will,” Jester grinned, because that made her think of several things she could then do, some of which were really appealing.

They held hands all the way upstairs.

***

After so many years of drawing dicks and writing little stories in which they featured so prominently, it was quite a moment when Jester placed her hand on a real one for the first time. The skin was soft and sticky and burning hot.

Except that Caleb cringed, so she hastily drew it away with a “Sorry!” and started rubbing her hands together further the way the booklet had advised. “I just need to get them a little warmer.” Then she thought of another suggestion from the booklet, and shivered, remembering how hot his hands and mouth had felt on her face and neck and breasts just now. “Maybe you could blow on them?”

“I wouldn’t mind doing more than that,” he said, and he took her hand in his own, which she thought might warm them by themselves, before pulling it up and drawing it into his mouth. His tongue, now safely toughened against her claws, lapped her palm and made her moan, especially when she saw how his eyes darkened. “Do it,” he murmured when he let them go. “Your hand will probably get warm from it anyway; just touch me.”

There was still a slight flinch as she wrapped her hand around him, but a moment later he sighed, “That still feels good,” and when she carefully started moving it up and down, he moaned, “Oh, that, dat feels…bitte…”

He threw his head back onto the bed, his breath coming faster and faster, hair and limbs scattered about the expensive sheets, his features drawn in ecstasy. Jester wanted to keep touching him endlessly, watch him twitch and writhe beneath her. She wanted to have him do the spell to dull her teeth and see if she could fit the whole thing into her mouth. She wanted to kiss every last inch of his skin, find all the places that would make him feel this good.

But the ache between her legs was getting unbearable, the longing to feel him inside her was stronger even than her lingering thoughts about its size, and he was now hissing, “Jester…too…close…”

He whined when she took her hand away, looked pleadingly up at her. “Do you mind if I hold you down?” she asked, remembering the booklet’s warning that some human men really didn’t like that.

“Oh, please do it,” he murmured back, and he sounded excited at the thought. And then even more so as one of her hands pressed down hard on his chest, and she used the other to line him up so she could just slide down.

It did feel too big at first, and the heat was almost too much. But it was more discomfort than actual pain, and wasn’t enough to deter the part of her body that was screaming for more. And even that started to fade as she felt herself press up against his balls, so stretched open and full, with him clutching the sheets trying to stay still and spluttering incoherent Zemnian.

Seeing his hands just set there made her skin crave them all over. “Touch me, touch my body,” she demanded as she lifted herself up, and when his hips jerked up after her she slammed back down into them, crying out from how good that felt even before his hands found her breasts, her back, her shoulders, her eyes fixed on his face as his moans drove her higher and higher. The tip of her tail found her clit and she started frantically rubbing with it, urgency and need growing even as they started moving fast, the pleasure building tighter with every thrust-until he stiffened and keened as he came hot and wet inside her. “You’re so beautiful when you come,” came out of her without meaning to, and it was true.

He moved his arms to her shoulders then and pushed at them, obviously wanting to roll her over. Guessing at what he was planning to do, Jester happily eased up and let him, and was rewarded when a moment later he was kissing his way up her thighs, taking just long enough to make her whimper before his tongue finally slid amount her folds and oh, that did feel as good as everyone said, and when it found her clit she outright howled. He froze for a split second, then at her, “Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t you dare stop, please, Cay-leb,” began licking and sucking at her, letting her grind down against him until she came hard.

For a second or so she just lay there, blissed out. When Caleb pulled himself up for a kiss she hummed her happiness into his mouth, and he smiled back, which made her melt further inside. “So,” he said, “what that good for your first time?”

“Oh, I loved it!” She really had, too. “It felt really, really good for most of it, and…it was with you. And you…it was good for you, right? It was what you wanted?”

“It was,” he whispered, and kissed her again, settling on top of her as if he wanted to just sink into her. “And more.”

***

Jester woke up the next morning to Sprinkle butting his head against hers. The weasel’s nest had been on the dresser, and he’d stayed in it happily enough during the sex, but she wasn’t surprised to see he’d since managed to get to where he usually slept when they had a bed.

Also he was the only other creature on the bed with her, though the sheets were still warm. She pulled herself up and saw Caleb sitting by the window, absently stroking Frumpkin as he held him in this lap.

“What are you doing up this early, Cay-leb?” she called, playfully tossing the sheets aside and positioning herself in what she hoped was an alluring position.

He remained turned away from her, and his voice was too empty as he said, “Just thinking.”

“It’s too early in the morning for that,” she said, jumping up and bounding over to him. It was early, with the sun only just rising, though the glimmer of flame over the Lucidian Ocean was so beautiful it was easy to add, “Just watch the pretty sunrise.”

Neither of them spoke for a while. Jester watched orange and gold light dance over the water and tried to ignore the chilly air on her bare skin. Caleb himself was only in his pants, but he likely didn’t care if he felt cold.

She was just considering trying to lure her lover back into their soft, warm bed when he said, “We did that last night. I made love to you, and I…” He exhaled hard.

“Would you like to do it again?” She meant it to come out all coquettish, but he was make her nervous. “We, uh, have time before breakfast.”

He stood up, pulling away from her, ignoring Frumpkin’s startled yowl, walked over to the bed, and sat down hard. Jester followed, sitting down next to him. She tried to make herself wait for a moment or so, but no, he shouldn’t leave her hanging like this. “You’re not going to call it off now, are you? You’ve gone and deflowered me, so that wouldn’t be very honorable.” She maybe got just a little humor into that second part.

“No, I’ll stay with you, it’s just…why am I here? Why am I here, in this bed, with you, when they’re all dead?”

Several responses about the difference between him and two of the people he was talking about went through Jester’s head, but she knew that wouldn’t be enough. So she just said, “Because I love you. That’s why you’re here.”

And she threw her arms around him, and pulled him down, back under the covers. She didn’t try to kiss him, because he didn’t look in a state for that, but she breathed a long sigh as he burrowed close to her, until once again his face was buried in her chest as he trembled against her. And I can’t fix it. I can’t spare him this. But surely it’s better for him to have me here than not. It felt like a knife against her, but one she knew she could take.

Sprinkle nuzzled up against her, then curled up by her shoulder and seemed to go back to sleep. Frumpkin jumped up onto the bed and settled against them, another source of warmth and weight.

This could be their life together, she thought. She’d had domestic dreams as well as dreams of adventure, and they’d adjusted themselves around Caleb easily enough; she could see his books alongside her paints, his coat hung up beside hers, his students giggling at her shrine to the Traveler and asking her about him, maybe even children of mixed race. She saw the open road and the sea laid out before them, so much of it still remaining to be transversed before they were done with their adventures.

She saw him looking older, wiser, and more at peace-by then there would be less days when he was like this, but they might never cease entirely. She saw tears to be dried, both his and her own, and he would move to hold her close when it was her turn to fall apart, because he was someone around whom she always could.

The sun’s rays came through the window, warm on her face and bright in her lover’s hair, and Jester held on.