Halsin was looking at her so regretfully, so kindly, and Lae'zel wanted to scream at him that there wasn't anyone else she could ask. It was just the group of them, camped here in the bowels of this Gauntlet; noone else even near.
But she knew the suggestion he would make, and she did not want to just stand there and explain why she couldn't. So she simply turned around and walked away, the new armor they lifted off an inquisitor she would've loyally obeyed once feeling heavier on her with every step, even though she only still had on the shirt and greaves.
It was true that Karlach would say yes, if she asked. And honestly, Lae'zel wished that she, too, might find someone to seek her pleasure with, now that she finally could. Someone who could stand how warm and sweet she'd be the entire time, who could join her in shutting their eyes to the death that loomed over her. Also how careful she'd be, probably, still worried about how hot her body still ran. Lae'zel just couldn't handle any of that.
Noone else was an option, either. She asked Wyll already, back at the party, and he had ultimately not provided. Withers certainly wouldn't either. She was not yet desperate enough to ask Volo. And Sara, their leader, the one Lae'zel had wanted so badly...well, she had hoped if Gale left her hanging long enough, there might be a chance, but now it was his tent she slept in, and he who tasted her sweetness in the night.
There was, of course, the possibility that he might soon be dead. But Lae'zel found she very much did not wish for that. Her longtime weakness of liking certain people around her was getting worse, and Gale was one of those around her that she found she did like, even though he had what she wanted.
And Shadowheart was very obviously out. Lae'zel wasn't completely sure she wouldn't try to kill her again if she even asked. And Astarion...
Astarion was coming out of Gale's tent, a smear of blood on his mouth.
Without even thinking about it Lae'zel drew her blade and leapt upon him, shoving him up against the hard rock walls that surrounded them. "What have you just done?" she hissed at him. "What did you just do to them?"
"She gave me permission to feed on her!" Astarion hissed in response. "Do you really think that at this point, I could get away with biting any of you without you agreeing to it? Even as it was, I had Gale hovering over me, threatening to burn my face off if I didn't pull away from her as soon as he finished counting to five."
Admittedly, this all made sense in theory. But still Lae'zel couldn't believe it. "It's no secret she hated you biting her that time," she protested. "No warrior can allow such a blow to their strength."
"I'm actually pretty sure Halsin or Shadowheart can fix her up in the morning," said Astarion. "Also that we're probably going to find that orthon tomorrow. Obviously she recognized she's going to need me at my best for that. Surely if she's finally seeing that much sense, you ought to as well."
That was enough that Lae'zel reluctantly stepped back, and sheathed her weapon. But anger still ran through her. "So," she said. "You refused to feed on an actually willing woman, one who would have rewarded you for it. But when Sara is generous enough to let you put her through that again...do vampires actually need their victims to suffer, or is that just your preference?"
"Well, I don't actually need them to suffer," he sighed. "As I told Sara, that woman's blood was rank. And it wasn't like we did any more fighting before the benefits would've faded off anyway. And you seem to be having a bit of trouble letting go of this. Tell me, are you mad it wasn't you I bit?"
"Did I not just tell you," Lae'zel growled, "no warrior can allow..."
"Oh, but you'd do it so she wouldn't have to, wouldn't you?" he nearly purred. "Don't think we all haven't seen that, my dear. Honestly, I think Gale's been nicer to you these past couple of days because he actually feels a little guilty about you. It must be so hard for you. She doesn't want your love, she doesn't want your lust, she doesn't even want you to take the pain for her..."
The rage in Lae'zel boiled over, and she slammed Astarion back against the wall. "You still do not know my mind, vampire! You...you will not..."
She was breathing heavily. So was he, which he shouldn't even have to do, she knew. His body wasn't quite as cold as usual. Lae'zel could smell Sara's blood on his lips, and she was all too aware that it wasn't just because of whose blood it was that she suddenly wanted to taste them.
And then he murmured in her ear, "Want something, my dear?"
Not from you, Lae'zel wanted to say. But she'd already had days' worth of grief and pain coiling up inside her and turning to growing need, and there was no denying she'd found Astarion attractive already, and now, his voice was making her wet.
And he was still talking. "I think you do want something, darling. Something maybe you've always secretly wanted, but maybe only now can you admit it to yourself. You've been all alone, even among your peers, and I'm sure you've had plenty of your fellow Githyanki between your legs, but have any of them given you anything besides a quick fuck?"
"As if you'd ever give anyone more than that," Lae'zel retorted. At the very least, she couldn't think he'd offer any more than that to her. Why was he even trying to pretend otherwise?
"But I'm right, am I not? I think you want to be known. To be tasted."
It was that last word that snapped Lae'zel out of it enough to pull away, but even then, she knew what she was about to say, much as she couldn't believe she was about to say it. "Whatever I may want, Astarion, I do not want your games. But very well. You may come up to my tent with me, and there you may fuck me. You will not bite me. That is what I offer. You can take it or or leave it."
"Yes," Astarion said, "I do have that choice, don't it?" and suddenly he sounded completely different, seriously having to think about it, perhaps, but also like she'd genuinely managed to surprise him. Well, she was shocking herself with all this. He sounded the same when, several moments later, he said, "And I think I will take it."
He walked ahead of her to where she'd pitched her tent up in the rock alcove she'd found, usefully out of sight of everyone else except Withers, who likely wouldn't bother looking back at them, and the child Arabella, who had already fallen asleep. She was grateful not to have to turn her back to him. He was leaning against the wall when she got there, watching almost saucily as she finished unstrapping her armor, and Lae'zel wished he did not look so fetching while doing so.
He still had the blood on his mouth. She still wanted to taste it.
Once again she shoved him up against the wall. But this time she pressed their mouths together. The blood had turned cold, and grossly thick, but the taste of iron still made her hot.
Astarion went with it, hooking his legs around her and quickly getting his pants untied and pushed down. She had to keep her mouth on his to muffle him as she stroked his cock, trying to get him hard enough. Except he didn't make all that much noise after the first moan, only faint sighs, and an even fainter whimper as she worked her fingers around its head. She feared she was louder, when his fingers slid beneath her own pants, and after a brief amount of fumbling, seemed to figure out just where to touch.
"I will not hurt you like this?" she broke away to ask, when her pants were down, and they were nudging each other into position. "I do not wish to hurt you in this maner."
Once again he looked surprised; did he really think so little of her? But he said, "The rock's smoother than not, and we won't either of us last long, will we?"
Lae'zel knew she would not. She especially knew it moments later, when she had moved forward and taken him into her, and then their hips were clashing against each other, working at a fast and furious pace. At long, long last, she had what she had needed, another's body against hers, flesh inside her, pounding into her, getting rid of her ability to think, letting her feel nothing but the building pleasure as she found the right angle and took him without mercy.
She was still muffling herself against his mouth; his sounds of pleasure were still barely audible even to her. It would have been easy, even with the differences in anatomy, to imagine another body in his place, think of the grunts Sara Tully made when she hacked at foes big enough with her ax, of all the bare parts of her Lae'zel had seen when they'd tended to wounds after battles, how strong and forceful her body would no doubt be when in the throes of passion.
And briefly, thoughts of all those things hit Lae'zel's mind. But she couldn't hold concentration on any thoughts at all, and she didn't even really try to, just let it all barrage through her.
She did notice Astarion was getting a little louder, his thrusts a little shaky, his grip around her back and hips much tighter, before one of his hands reached down again and started rubbing where she needed it most.
And then, she thought of the smell of dark hair, of a smaller, not as elegant body, and another voice, another woman's voice, just a little sneering whenever it had spoken to her, but at that moment, she just heard it whisper, "Got you."
Lae'zel came suddenly, hips knocking Astarion's back into the rock one last time as she surged forward with the force of it, too loud in her cry, but she barely heard it, her mind now filled with the thought of how another woman's face would look as she found her release, and that woman was not Sara Tully.
Astarion pulled his head away from hers for a split second, before suddenly hooking his chin against her shoulder, his hair pressed into her neck. Not in any position to bite her, likely deliberate on his part, Lae'zel thought, but a move made so she would not see his face when he came undone. She let him hold her in place like that as he finished, staring at the rock and allowing him his privacy.
The cry that came out of him, though still not all that loud, was one that rang in her ears. It was an unsettling one, shaky and broken, as if it came from somewhere deep within him.
As soon as she was certain he was done, Lae'zel stumbled back, back to her tent, fell nearly into a heap in front of it. She looked around at the scattered pieces of her new armor, the disc lying near them that bore what her mind still screamed was heresy-with her all too aware that if she stopped believing that, she might have to do something about it, at all the things that reminded her again of the nightmare that was currently her life-except now she was starting to fear she might stop viewing it as a nightmare at all.
None of them were currently visible from the alcove, but she was also too aware of all of the people in the cavern below. Especially the woman who'd spent all this time in her thoughts-and the other woman who had also spent far too much time in her thoughts, and Lae'zel hadn't even realized the danger that woman posed until now, when it was too late.
Astarion, of course, had not known her mind, and that had not changed. He had persuambly been pulling his pants back up, maybe recovering a little himself, and now she heard him say, "That was actually quite good. Thank you." Lae'zel heard his footsteps going back down the rocks, but she did not watch him leave.