Luis thought for a quick moment, then said, "Well, see, that's complicated. Because when I first met Karebear, she was in a really bad place. See, she'd been living in New York City, and you know how there are a lot of scary people in New York, right? Really rich scary people, and she'd gotten kidnapped by this dude who worked for one of them. And he was like, 'Dawg, do as I say!' And she was like, 'Hell no, Imma just gonna grab your gun right here, and shoot you dead!' Bang bang band bang bang! Like, real badass, man. And then she's freaking out, right, cause the dude he worked for, he once chopped someone's head off because he barged in on date night. She's like, I gotta flee the city and drive across the country and crash into your van..."
"What?" Dave demanded from where he, Scott, and Kurt all sat. "You're telling me you had a goddamn meet cute with Karen, and you've *really* never fucked her?"
"I told you, bro," Luis sighed, "she's not my type. I mean, yeah, she’s hot, but she's kinda dangerous, too, and I know what Kipling says about the female of the species, but he's an imperialist asshole, and personally I always preferred..."
"Don't get me wrong, this is all very fascinating," the bad guy interrupted, "but what the hell does it have to do with where Karen Page is?"
"Oh, no, buddy," laughed Scott as Luis protested, "I'm getting there, I'm getting there!" "You gave him the veritaserum, now you've got to face the consequences."
Dave and Kurt voiced their agreements, and after a brief divergence onto the matter of jukeboxes, Luis continued, "So anyway, back in New York, the pair of hotshot lawyers she'd been working for, Matt and Foggy, they didn't know where she was. And Matt, like, he's blind, but he's got superhearing and supersmelling, which must leave him grossed out a lot of the time, I mean, he came to our office once, and he was all like, 'I'm fine, man, no problem,' but he kept wrinkling his nose whenever he got near the part of the wall where Kurt had..."
"We don't need rest of that story!" Kurt hastily broke in, and once again there was a chorus of agreements.
"Okay, okay, okay, so Matt goes to Foggy, and says, 'Yo, we gotta find Karen, I know I'm blind, but I can smell that she's hot, and damn if I want to kiss her,' and Foggy's like, 'Hey, I just turned the news on, and it says she went and trashed an airport with Captain America!' And Matt's like 'Shit, they're gonna throw her in the Raft without trial, we gotta raise hell!' And they go and raise hell, and get her off with probation.
And she finds out about the superhearing and supersmelling, because he hadn't told her, and also, Matt's secretly the vigilante Daredevil, and he's been going out at night and beating the shit out of muggers all the time! So she's mad he didn’t tell her about that, and he's mad she didn't tell them she was running away to San Francisco, but they're still all into each other, because he's really hot too, I mean, so hot, I can say that without getting uncomfortable about it.
So, like, it was a few days ago, and Karen was seriously getting ready to finally say to Matt, 'Yo, I know you lied a lot and I ran away and got arrested, but I still really want to tap your gorgeous ass, and also maybe marry you and live happily ever after forever and ever,' I mean, she was literally opening her mouth, when from the door, there comes this voice cooing, 'Matthew...' and this crazy hot and scary chick walks in, and she's Elektra, and she's Matt’s ex-girlfriend, and she's like 'Yo, I came back from the dead and got brainwashed, and you're the only thing I can remember from my old life.' And then when she finds out Karen's Ant-Woman, she’s like, ‘Man, you're the woman that shrinks? I stole the other shrinking suit, the cool one with the wings and the blasters, and we should work together-'"
"WHAT?" Scott blew up. "You mean you've known for days that zombie girl is the one who stole Hope's suit and you hadn't told us?!"
"Hey, that girl is one dangerous-ass ninja! I didn't want her to kill me!"
"Well, I hope you don't mind getting killed by Hope instead," Scott retorted. "And I might help her, just to make sure she doesn't then kill me." After another moment, he threw in, "Though maybe I shouldn't be surprised, since you haven't even told the other two guys our damn company's about to go bankrupt..."
When, half a minute later, his interrogator cut off the responses to that and once again demanded the location of Karen Page, Luis might have been a little relieved. "I've been trying to tell you," he explained. "I mean, she really thought she had this Matt guy, but now she's like, 'Oh no, this chick's even hotter and more dangerous than I am, and Matt was crazy about her back in law school, and now we gotta work together,' and Matt's insisting on working with them, because he's that sort of guy, so she's in a bit of a tricky spot, emotionally speaking."
"Emotionally speaking," the guy repeated, then it was his turn to blow up: "Well, where is Karen Page LITERALLY SPEAKING?"
"Oh!" He'd misunderstood. "The woods."
(Some time later, after things had mostly ended well, except Elektra had made off with Hope's suit for good and gone off to presumably find herself, and they'd have to make Hope a new one, it was actually Foggy who was most angry with Luis for giving his friends' location away. Matt and Karen were at that point too happy to care. And hey, the business survived, so that was good.)